Cheryl D. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chaoticasphyxia) wrote2010-01-15 07:13 am
chaoticasphyxia) wrote2010-01-15 07:13 am
you have stolen my heart; sleep well.
I don't feel like sleeping. It’s nearly 7am and I don’t feel like sleeping. I don’t feel like sleeping because I need to vent. I won’t sleep until I’ve vented.
I watched The Lovely Bones and cried through much of it. But this isn’t going to be some sort of film review. It did affect me and I know my feelings are now running a little too high for my liking. But I cried and when I first tried to put my head down to sleep I felt like crying again and needed to start writing. I said it a long time ago that I had to stop crying and I’m quite clearly failing these days because I fail at most things. But I know that if I rant these feelings out in word form, I might not feel so bad and might feel a little better about myself. I’m now waffling, but whatever – I can’t stop my fingers.
It’s 7.00am – fucking hell. Gotta keep writing.
I’m wondering... will anyone remember me? Will I still talk to my flatmates after this year? Or my course mates... will they have anything to do with me ever again? I don’t find myself t be a very striking person. I’m not attention grabbing or I don’t seem to leave any kind of imprint in people’s memories; I’m not interesting at all. I’m the kind of person people might prefer to forget about. I’m the girl who people don’t remember my name. No one remembers me. Lost girl. Forgotten girl. Dead girl.
I feel like I’m in a huge room full of people and I’m screaming for people to pay attention to me. No one bats an eyelid. I’m just so frustrated and alone.
I’m trying so hard, I want to be remembered – but I feel like I’m pushing people away and nobody will ever want to know.
I always do that. I push people away. Friends and at least three boyfriends – all gone because of me. Maybe it was them, but I know it was probably me. I don’t mean to. I hate it. I get lonely and don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ll never get another boyfriend – what I wouldn’t do just to hear a boy tell me that they loved me. I’d sell my soul.
God, I feel so pathetic. Why the fuck can’t I just shut up?
For fucks sake, you’re a pathetic excuse. I need to get a fucking grip. Shut up!
Go to bed, and get a life. It’s not gonna happen from a livejournal.
Yes, yes, yes.. I suppose.
I’m so fed up. Somebody please, for the love of god – save me.
Sleep.
I watched The Lovely Bones and cried through much of it. But this isn’t going to be some sort of film review. It did affect me and I know my feelings are now running a little too high for my liking. But I cried and when I first tried to put my head down to sleep I felt like crying again and needed to start writing. I said it a long time ago that I had to stop crying and I’m quite clearly failing these days because I fail at most things. But I know that if I rant these feelings out in word form, I might not feel so bad and might feel a little better about myself. I’m now waffling, but whatever – I can’t stop my fingers.
It’s 7.00am – fucking hell. Gotta keep writing.
I’m wondering... will anyone remember me? Will I still talk to my flatmates after this year? Or my course mates... will they have anything to do with me ever again? I don’t find myself t be a very striking person. I’m not attention grabbing or I don’t seem to leave any kind of imprint in people’s memories; I’m not interesting at all. I’m the kind of person people might prefer to forget about. I’m the girl who people don’t remember my name. No one remembers me. Lost girl. Forgotten girl. Dead girl.
I feel like I’m in a huge room full of people and I’m screaming for people to pay attention to me. No one bats an eyelid. I’m just so frustrated and alone.
I’m trying so hard, I want to be remembered – but I feel like I’m pushing people away and nobody will ever want to know.
I always do that. I push people away. Friends and at least three boyfriends – all gone because of me. Maybe it was them, but I know it was probably me. I don’t mean to. I hate it. I get lonely and don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ll never get another boyfriend – what I wouldn’t do just to hear a boy tell me that they loved me. I’d sell my soul.
God, I feel so pathetic. Why the fuck can’t I just shut up?
For fucks sake, you’re a pathetic excuse. I need to get a fucking grip. Shut up!
Go to bed, and get a life. It’s not gonna happen from a livejournal.
Yes, yes, yes.. I suppose.
I’m so fed up. Somebody please, for the love of god – save me.
Sleep.